Are men afraid of commitment? That’s what our disgruntled female friends who’ve been jaded by love like to spout. And - It makes a great story-line for Hollywood. But the truth is, they’re not afraid of commitment.

What they’re really afraid of is committing to the wrong ladyl…or they just aren’t in love yet.

In this article, you’ll discover what we mean by these two scenarios, and how you can approach the issue of exclusivity for each one.

He’s Not in Love…Yet

There’s a fundamental difference between men and women that takes a great deal of dating to discern. Here’s how it generally goes: when women discover that they like a man, some tend to want the exclusivity talk sooner than their counterpart. A commitment provides a level of comfort and security that people typically crave, as it gives assurance that our crush isn’t going on other dates. After the exclusivity talk, we start the slow, precious process of falling in love.

Men, on the other hand, tend to hold off on the exclusivity talk until he reaches that point where he is, without a doubt, head over heals for the woman he’s dating, and can’t imagine NOT having her in his life.

If your man is shying away from the exclusivity talk, even when it seems like he’s eating out of the palm of your hand, here are a few recommendations on how YOU can put the commitment discussion on the fast track:

  • Don’t be so available. Now, we don’t recommend you suddenly disappear on him, as this will definitely not turn out in your favor. Instead, start being busier with friends and family members. Join new networking groups, play sports, take a painting course, do things that make you feel happy and fulfilled. The point here is to make him realize that you’re an in-demand woman who’s not going to wait around for him to suddenly wake up and realize that he wants you.
  • Stay fun and light. If your man senses that you’re dying to have “the talk” – and believe us, he will – dating you can suddenly become a lot less fun, due to all the pressure. Be that fun, spontaneous, and self-assured lady, and he’ll be the one initiating the talk with you.
  • Tell him that you like him! This isn’t something to whip out on the first date, or even the third. But if you want to initiate the talk, let him know that you’re having a blast, and that you like him.

Put these tips into action, and just watch how quickly HE brings up the exclusivity conversation.

It’s Been a Few Months, and He STILL Doesn't Call You His Girlfriend...

If you’re stuck in this scenario, then there’s only one thing you can do: swallow your fear and just straight-out ask him where you stand. Otherwise, assuming that you’re exclusive could lead to disaster. According to a article, “When it comes to exclusivity, if you depend on hints to ascertain whether your partner is dating anyone else, you’re going to spend a lot of time being surprised. Language is a useful and precise tool. Use it.” (

Well said, Match.

So when you feel like it’s time, bring up the fact that you’ve been enjoying yourself, you haven’t been seeing anyone else, and you’d like to be exclusive. If he says he is not ready, then it’s time for you to leave. End of story. No matter what he says. Because at the end of the day, if you’re offering to be his girlfriend and he says anything other than “yes,” then the road to that coveted “yes,” will be long - and after much effort may still result in a dead-end.