Subliminal Signs.  What are we saying???

Is she flirting?  Is he into you?

When considering body language, it’s important to note that conversation / verbal communication are the most effective indicators to what the other person is thinking, or how he or she feels.  However, the way we move, position our body, react to a situation, or touch another person, can provide clues even if no words are spoken.

There are endless studies that evaluate everything from the various types of handshakes – to whether or not you are lying depending on which direction you are looking when you speak.  These studies are all fascinating, but for this article, I will go over some basic moves and what studies say they could mean in context to flirting.

Guys, if she does the following, chances are, she is flirting!

Of course, Eye Contact 

Obvious, right?  But did you know that your pupils dilate when you are interested in someone?

The Sideways "Look Up" 

This is when she lowers her head and looks up sideways with doe-eyes.  She’s attempting to portray a sense of vulnerability, but she’s definitely flirting!

The Shoulder Glance 

This is the side – over the shoulder glance.  She’s interested.

The Smile

This isn’t necessarily flirting.  She may just be friendly and wants to make you feel comfortable.  Wait for another clue.

The Lip Lick 

She is very attracted to you…and has thrown any apprehension out the window.  OR, her lips are dry.  I wouldn’t make a rash judgment here.  If it’s option 1, she’ll most likely follow up with the shoulder glance.

The Hair Flip 

I’m not so convinced this is a sign.  I know a girl that does it all the time, in business meetings, at lunch, you name it.  I find it annoying.  But studies show that it’s a gesture commonly used as a flirting mechanism. (Ick)

The Head Tilt

This move exposes the neck.  She’s flirting.  (Der!)

 Standing Straighter When You Walk in the Room

If you see a lady instantly straighten her posture when she sees you, she is most likely attracted to you and wants to make a good impression.


If she casually strokes her thigh, or cleavage, this could mean that she hopes you’ll envision what it would be like for you to do the same.  She’s shamelessly flirting.  OR, she may have an itch that just needed scratching.  (And we’ll let the punch-line speak for itself!)

Standing Close 

If you watched Seinfield, you remember Jerry’s experience with the “close talker.”  This put the “Personal Zone” on our radar.  So, according to the “Personal Space rules” – if you’re within 4 feet of a person, that’s personal.  If you’re within 18 inches of a person – then that’s intimate.  Now, if you’re on a subway, that’s different – so don’t be an idiot.   But if she enters your personal or intimate zone, she may – as in could be - interested.  Again, your location and sense of reality need to be applied before making this determination.

Leaning Forward  

If she leans forward – toward you…that’s a sign that she’s interested.  Or, she wants to show off her cleavage; in which case – I’m still going to say, “She’s interested!”

The Leg Cross Undone 

If she is sitting across from you with her legs crossed and makes eye contact while uncrossing, then crosses again - she is flirting.  OR, just channeling Sharon Stone in preparation for an upcoming audition. Also note:  This girl may be a ho.

The Lint Picker  

This is my girl.  I love this move.  You know the one…where she reaches out to “get something off of your shirt.”  She wants to touch you, and the poor girl just couldn’t hold back another minute.

The Fondler 

If she glides her fingers up and down on the stem of a glass, or pen, then she may be flirting.  OR, a dirty tramp.  I’d have to see it to know for sure.


Mirroring your position or gestures is said to be a sign that she’s attracted to you.  So take it for what it’s worth.  I would think that this would make her appear manly.  You’re on your own there!!

Okay Ladies, do you know if a guy is flirting with you?  Some of the basics from above apply, and here are some more signs:

The Wink 

It can be creepy to get the wink from the wrong guy.  But, it can make your knees want to buckle if someone you find attractive does it.  Either way, for a guy to wink at you, he’s putting himself out there.  This is a sure sign he’s interested.

The Extended Shake 

Have you ever shook hands with a guy who seemed to hold on a second longer than what felt normal?  He’s flirting.  Hopefully he’s not one of those tight grasp assholes that squeezes your hand so hard, your ring makes a indention on your other fingers.  That’s just obnoxious.

The Toucher 

The Man Version of the “Lint Picker.” When a guy is interested, and bold, he’ll sit close and “accidently” allow his leg to brush up against yours.  Or, “inadvertently” touch your hand, or arm, or any exposed limb, actually.  Most men will wait for a sign from you that you just might welcome this move.

Yea, it’s a shorter list, but again, some of the same rules apply.  One thing for sure, is most men wait for a sign before they put themselves out there.  The simple “Head Tilt” may be all he needs, and he’ll take it from there.

Happy Flirting!!